Looking For Herself

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She knows she changed,

Yet she’s still looking for herself

 

She knows everything is different now,

Yet she still holds on to the past

 

She lives in denial,

That its a new her

 

Yet she somehow accepts it,

But she never embraces it

 

Constant change is difficult,

Adapting to what you are not used to is too much

 

Acceptance is critical,

Although it takes time to adapt to a new ‘you’

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How I Turned 23

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I remember watching Spiderman where Jamie Foxx acts as a scientist as it begins. He is a loner, and weird in the movie. Before he turns, we are shown what his birthday is like, no one remembers it, and he buys a cake for himself and sings to himself. I watched that part thinking ‘that’s me’.

My birthday has traditionally been between me and my dad. I basically nag him for a month and he does something special, But as years have gone by, I have somehow stopped. Then again, I never tell anyone else because I think that if someone is interested in my birthday, they would know it. So because of this, for the past 5-6 years they have been people that I have always associated with my birthday and I basically spend my whole birthday week celebrating with them.

But this year was different, I did not want any celebration from these constants but rather just a few special people. I had also deleted my facebook so I got less wishes. I did mention my birthday week on a whatsapp status as everyone keeps nagging me about not telling them its my birthday. I had no expectations but I wished for just one thing that I woule remember for the rest of my life.

So my day began by my dad singing and I interrupted him because it felt like I was a child, but it later turned into the worst normal day I ever had, and I basically will remember it because it was one day I really wanted to end.

Nonetheless, they were special messages from my constants which I appreciated. But I do hope that next year things will be different and I will get to spend it with all the people I have been spending it with for most of my life. I would like to rectify how my birthday turned out to be disappointing this year.