Most Influential Moments In My Life

When the Enemy Became A Best Friend

From the time I was 11 after changing schools, I experienced bullying or discrimination and became a weirdo with no feelings since I never reacted when offended. Well one day I confided in some people about a crush and they  went and told everyone and of course the reaction was ‘she’s too ugly, I can never date a person like her’ followed by ‘shock’ from classmates on how I could even have a crush. It was embarrassing but after two years we became best friends… funny how thing change.

Television and The Radio

Most of the things I can remember about my childhood are negative comments I got in school. There was a clique who found a description for everything I do, ‘she eats like a cat, she walks bad’ etc and of course over the years I tried to change so that I could impress. I remember one day trying out a new running style because they had said something bad about how I run and the next day my Physical Education teacher who happened to be my class teacher came to joke about it… with the rest of the class.

So what kept me going was TV Talk shows like Oprah and Tyra and movies and music. At the time I would realize that I’m not alone and after I finished the school the pain I had from my experiences started fading and it stopped becoming much of a big deal.

High School

I loved high school because it was different and no one cared about silly things. So I could at least focus on school and not negative comments that people had. And for the few people who had them I never really cared because just to be sincere I felt like I shouldn’t focus on those(although some got to me) since there was so much more to life.

Personality Test

Doing the personality test was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had had so many questions about myself in the past and the test answered them for me. After that I stopped caring a lot about what people say.

University Life

University life has basically taught me that sometimes you ought to pretend, sometimes being yourself pays, sometimes you should not disclose too much information, sometimes people will try to fit in… financially, but you’ll be way happier if you end up just being true to yourself.

Different

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Its like something has changed,

That’s what I say everyday,

I feels new at times,

Yet at others it feels old

 

One day I’m happy,

The next I’m angry and sad,

One day I convince myself that I moved on,

The next it feels like I’m holding on

 

One day I feel ‘strong and independent’ as the world puts it,

The next I feel like the weakest person,

One day I feel like I know myself,

The next I feel like a stranger to my lifes

 

At times I can’t even answer those questions,

‘Who are you, what do you like?’

Yet I patiently wait,

For a day when it will all male sense

You Never Know

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So I have just come from a mock conference and its quite interesting since I had to speak and I am thinking 3 years ago I’d never have done that. I would have been too scared to speak to a crowd.

Well thanks to forced change which is enforced in tertiary institutions where you have to speak in front of a crowd, I could say that I can now speak.

Well, during my first presentation I kept on shaking and before long I adapted and during my first conference I totally messed up but looking back I am actually shocked about what pressure can do to you… and at times its for the best

Who Is She

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She came out of nowhere,

She’s still in denial,

She’s changed,

Yet she doesn’t want to accept it

 

How did this happen,

How did she let it happen,

For every action,

She tries to think,

And do what the old her would have done

… after she’s already done something,

That she never expected to

 

Is this what pain does to people?

Is this change that she is resisting worth it,

Why is she scared of this demon coming out of her?

 

Maybe its because she used to be the good girl,

She will be judged if she acts differently,

Maybe its because everything she wants to do,

Just feels wrong,

She would never have thought of it,

 

A big part of her,

Is still trying to hold on the the old her,

The good her,

That got her,

Yet was strong enough to always move on

 

She always wonders,

Is this what pain does to people?

And a little voice tells her,

‘Fuck your worries’,

‘Pick up the pieces’,

‘Move on’,

‘Its your time to hurt’,

‘Your time to be bad’,

‘Your time to stop worrying about others’,

‘Your time to stop being sorry’

 

And a voice counters,

‘Nobody deserves to have pain inflicted on them,

By another person’

 

 

He Made Me Feel It

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He made me feel it,

I don’t even know what it is,

I googled it,

I didn’t find it

 

He  made me have the desire,

It had been running from me,

This time I want after it,

I wanted it to be part of me

 

He made me want to grab it,

For it to always be part of me,

I even if I feel like I suck for it,

Yet I know that I love it

 

I thank him,

Coz he made me find it,

It’s my passion for words,

It will always be a part of me

I Did It

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Finally did it,

Let go of the past,

The pain,

All that go through it

 

Finally did it,

Achieved by myself,

All those empty promises you made,

And it feels good

 

Finally did,

Made a step forward,

After realizing,

You are the best thing,

That never went on in my life

 

All the burdens,

All the pain,

Its all gone

 

Thank you,

For the life lessons,

You taught me,

That you’ll never get to lern

 

Thank you,

For making me know,

Desperate people,

And those who’ll hurt others,

Just to feel confident

 

Thank you,

For reminding me of a past,

And adding on to it,

Hoping one day it will change lives

 

I finally let go,

Did it all by myself,

Watched my dreams come true

 

Thank you for hurting me,

Because of you,

I’ll learn to love even more,

I’ll know who’s a liar,

And whose right for me

 

I did it,

Through God’s grace,

And the little strength i had in me,

I said ‘goodbye’,

To the past